The Horse

Many years ago, when I first started teaching ballet in an educational program, I had a difficult class. A very difficult class. And I wanted, of course, to be the best teacher ever. I was new, I was motivated. I wanted to move mountains, or at least student’s hearts. This was not an unruly or disruptive group. Quite the opposite, in fact. They were quiet, they were passive, they were apathetic. There was nothing there. Fifteen pairs of empty eyes. No matter what I said or how I said it, there was no reaction. No interest, no energy, nothing. As if they had given up before even starting. I felt tired, frustrated and defeated. And came to a logical conclusion; “I am not meant to be a teacher, I am no good as a teacher, I should quit”. My colleague, seeing me so down, asked me what the matter was. I explained the situation, including my intention to give up teaching for good. “No, no, no!!” he practically shouted at me. “Teaching is like taking care of a horse. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.” So many years have passed since that day and those words have become a byword not only for teaching ballet, but also in my view of therapy, relationships and life in general. I will be there, showing up with my 100% of energy, prepared and ready with my enthusiasm and energy. This I guarantee. But I cannot take more than 50% of the responsibility. You have to meet me halfway. This was and still is, a hard lesson to learn and use. Especially for someone like me who wants to make it work, wants to make everyone happy. There is that student with so much talent but no bite, that relationship that would be so great if there was just a little bit more effort, that patient who just needs to stop eating all the junk food. I cannot do all the work. This has become a deep part of me - I will keep offering the water, with my energy and enthusiasm…..will you drink?