Regrets

A lot of years, so very many decisions. Not all of them wise and some downright stupid. On the whole, looking back, I have no regrets. My big “life” choices I would repeat in a heartbeat. It has been a grand rollercoaster ride; crazy and colorful and daunting and heartbreaking and so very much fun. It has not been perfect and in hindsight, if given the chance, I would have acted differently in some situations. Wouldn’t we all? And especially, in how I treated myself for far too many years. Nothing I did was ever good enough in my eyes. It is a fine line in ballet, between working to push the limit and expand the potential, and a perfectionism that can suck the joy out of what should be such a joyful act. Dancing, moving, expressing - how beautiful this profession is. This is my only regret so far. I wish I had allowed myself more enjoyment in the moment.

And today? Much to my own disappointment, I realized I have not managed to free myself completely from this mindset. Most of the photos I have taken in this decade plus of owning a camera I labeled as rubbish and archived away. Luckily, I didn’t delete them all. Recently, as I searched for a specific photo, I went through years of my “rubbish”, and was dismayed at myself for the dismissing of a body of work that on second glance had a lot of potential. Not perfect….I am not a professional photographer. But pictures with an aesthetic, a point of view and sometimes just a fun moment in time. Like the photo on this blog of a wedding party being photographed near the Brooklyn Bridge in NYC. The photographer posed so elegantly and the members of the party with all their different faces and personalities. Not perfect, perhaps….but fun. Time to be less perfect and enjoy more. I really don’t want my attitude to my photography to be my second regret in life.